It’s Pavlovian!

It’s Pavlovian! If the only time you treat me nice is when I’m mean to you, then I’m going to be mean to you so you will be nice to me.

I don’t need much. I just want a little attention from time to time. A phone call or two a day. A hug, a kiss, and a kind word. I just want to know that someone cares if I live or die; if I get up and off to have a good day and if and when I lay down at night, that someone cares if I have had a nice day.

I never have thought that was too much to ask since I grew up in a home where that was the norm everyday.

“How did you sleep last night?”
“Have a good day.”
“How was your day at school/work? What did you learn/do today?”
“Have you said your prayers and thanked God for today? And you know if today didn’t go like you wanted, you can try again tomorrow.”
And above all “I love you.”

If I could get that, I would gladly return the favor.

I don’t like having to create a scene to gain attention. I don’t like creating a negative behavior to get what should be a positive behavior.

But then there’s the “Captain Save-a-ho” mentality.
Some women like drama. They should because some men respond well to drama.
Some men like women who create drama. Men like to be the hero!
They feel as though they are saving these women from the world or themselves. Men like being the knight in shining armor.

Some women always exist in a state of crisis: (never mind changing your behavior to avoid these situations-, “he’ll take care of me”) ***
Screaming at men for attention
Becoming “playfully” violent or physical
Showing up at YOUR job
Baby-daddy drama
Health issues
Car problems, never ending, trivial
Childcare issues
Ex boyfriend drama
Money/bill issues
Criminal activity
Sending inflammatory emails and text messages
Just simply demanding things or money
Family crisis (not the real kind, but “my sister gotta to the title pawn to get money to pay her cable bill, and she ain’t got no car so I gotta drive her to the good side of town where people don’t know us” kind)

And do know, it’s Pavlovian! If a man responds to foolishness with positive reinforcement, the foolishness will happen again!

I am not a big fan of having to create negative behavior to elicite a response out of a person. I have found that behavior only leads to unhappy situations and relationships. If the only way you are able to find time for me or do things with me to sustain a friendship or a relationship is by waiting until I create some negative situation that you feel compelled to respond to, then I think that’s a total waste of time and energy. I like to spend my time and energy on positive things and endeavors. I would rather be preparatory and preventative than responsive to crisis and bad situations. IT SAVES YOU TIME AND STRESS.

Nevertheless, don’t forget, it’s Pavlovian!

Men are like dogs, some can be very loyal if you treat them well. But, some only respond to negative stimuli because they have been treated so bad, so long, by the female dogs* and people they have been dealing with they don’t know how to positively respond to someone who will love and care for them.

Then the question comes in: Is this an old dog or a young dog, and can he be house trained and can he learn some new tricks. Will he respond well to my treats or will he still like dealing with the same old female dogs*and living in the same old poop*.

* These are not the words I would like to use, but I’m trying to keep it clean.
***Let me just say that this type of behavior is encouraged by our cultures current music and lyrics.

"I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!"

At this stage in the game, I know just how Mrs. Hamer must have felt.

Everything from dating or lack there of, to education systems, jobs, politics to the media in general ... some days I just get upset with the way things are going in American society today.

For maybe the last year, I have been venting to my family, friends, co-workers, Sorors and even the Church Secretary! Sometimes they care. Sometimes they don't care. Sometimes they agree. Sometimes they don't. Sometimes they just don't understand.

My sister mainly worries that I worry too much about things that I have little to no control over; and in what sounds just like my mother she says "That's not good for your health." Therefore, I've decided to try to create a pressure release for some of the many things that cross my mind from time to time. I hope to also to:

1. educate
2. enlighten
3. inspire
4. upset the status quo
5. at the very least, get some stuff off MY CHEST! (Those that know me, understand!)

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't think so highly of my own thoughts that I plan to educate, enlighten, inspire, upset, and get some stuff off my chest just for "the benefit of all those less educated and less fortunate than myself." No, I' hope to improve and better myself. I hope to improve on who I am. I hope to learn from what I write. Learn from others suggestions and comments. I look forward to you thoughts, comments, suggestions, questions, and answers!

Above all I hope we can all come up with some solutions so we can stop being so "sick and tired of being sick and tired!"


Check back in next week!